I have always liked to watch people and their reactions to things. As a young girl, I was known to do and say things for shock value. A lot of the time, I firmly believed in what I was saying/ doing but some of the time it was more like a way to test people and their boundaries. I did this with everyone.
Needless to say, that may have cost me a friend or ten.
On the flipside though, people’s reactions to me helped me understand the world a little better and grow to be more compassionate as I’ve gotten older. At this point in my life, I am not one to be shocked by very many things or even surprised. I also am not so quick to judge things I don’t fully understand or agree with.
I have also had to learn to stop testing people.
Most people are simple creatures. They don’t like to be taken out of their confort zone or be confronted by viewpoints that greatly differ from their own or that make them question their moral compass. I suspect it is within this simplicity that we find the potential for extremism and intolerance…
In hindsight, I suspect that my behavior was my way of trying to make sense of the human condition and an easy way to push people away because let’s face it, one can’t be objective through participant observation. But I wonder if my little experiment did me more harm than good and if my belief system was what it was or if I built it based on my need to stand out…
These days I aim to enjoy a peaceful and happy existence and I have to credit Hugh for helping me simplify a lot of the complexities in my head. I think that I can also credit him for shifting the focus and methodology of my observations. If before, I wanted to understand the human condition by manipulation, now I seek to understand it by responding to what is being offered.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
I like to be kind.